'My partner hasn't done a load of laundry in ten years': Wife takes vacation away from family, husband doesn't know what to do with himself

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
May 14, 2023 2:00 PM EDT

It's remarkable yet unsurprising how dependent this guy is on his wife. For one, they've been together for 12 years and he's fully 37 years old. In other words, he should be able to do a load of laundry, sweep and clean their home, and take care of the kids by himself for a few nights… especially because that's precisely what his wife has been doing every day since they've been parents. She shared this thread via Reddit's r/AmITheA**hole subreddit.

 

He works in IT and gets exhausted from his full-time job. Obviously, this is understandable, but it's clearly his fault that he doesn't use the PTO that has been granted to him through work. Meanwhile, his wife has a part-time job of her own on top of the full-time stay-at-home-mom duties on her plate. Just because he won't take his rightful vacation doesn't mean she can't take hers. Go get some sunshine and peace, girl. You've earned it!

 

For more, here's a post about two apartment tenants and their shady landlord.

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    Textile - New York City
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  • 02
    Font - AITA for wanting a week's vacation, alone, away from my partner and children? Me (32F) and my partner (37M) are in a disagreement. He thinks I'm selfish for considering this. I don't think I am. He suggested I post here to see what you all say.
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  • 03
    Font - We have been together 12 years. My partner has two responsibilities in terms of the house. He walks the dogs in the morning and he goes to work full time (8-6). More often than not, he falls asleep at 8pm. He works in IT.
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  • 04
    Font - We have three children (7, 4, 2) and I am fully responsible for their care, as well as every household duty, laundry, cooking, cleaning. I am a SAHM, but I am also self employed, so after I look after the children all day, I then work for a couple of hours on my laptop.
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  • 05
    Font - My birthday is coming up. I asked my partner what he would think if I booked myself a vacation, for a week, on my birthday and went on my own. If he could use his PTO to take time off to look after and spend the week with our three children - taking them to school and taking care of the house.
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  • 06
    Font - He told me I was selfish. "It's selfish to want to go on holiday for a week for my birthday?" He said yes. My partner hasn't done a load of laundry in the ten years. He cooks dinner 'occasionally' (2 x a month). He doesn't hoover, mop, or mow lawns. I get it, he's tired and he works full time, but I work too, and I don't feel appreciated. I just want a week where I don't have to placate a crying child, or stop the toddler from running into traffic, or worry about everyone else's good time
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  • 07
    Font - The last time I spent time away from the children/house was when we went out for dinner for his birthday in March (After they were asleep. I organised the babysitter). Oh, and my pap smear, which he tried to make me take the children too even though he was home.
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  • 08
    Font - The holiday would be paid for entirely by me. He gets 28 days of PTO, not including bank holidays. Last year, he lost 12 PTO days because he didn't take them. (We're in the UK) AITA
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  • 09
    Font - Sea_Rise_1907 - 13 hr. ago edited 2 hr. ago Certified Proctologist [20] You're not a SAHM. You have a part time job. Your division of home labor is insanely unbalanced, and all of it falls to you. Of course your husband refuses to let you take a holiday, he'd have to actually lift a finger to parent his own children if you did.
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  • 10
    Font - Please for your own sake book that holiday and inform him you will be going. Perhaps if he had to do a fraction of everything you'd done for years he'd finally see how unfair he's been to you. NTA, and some food for thought. 15.8k Reply Share
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    Font - WelshBogart 13 hr. ago . I'm not sure you need a holiday as much as you need couples therapy tbh. This sounds like a hugely unfair set up and no wonder you are feeling so burned out. He's not pulling his weight at all here - sounds completely draining to be married to a partner who does so little and apparently is willing to do so little more (take your kids to an invasive medical test?! No thanks). I think you need to address that underlying issue.
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  • 12
    Font - You're NTA for wanting the holiday but it's a symptom of a much bigger problem. 5.0k Reply Share
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  • 13
    Font - rugbysd01 13 hr. ago . NTA. But you're TA to yourself for letting him be a bum the last 10 years. Asleep by 8pm? WTF? Wake his up and help with the 3 kids. 2.8k Reply Share
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  • 14
    Font - BreqsCousin 11 hr. ago Why is a parent with THREE small kids not taking all their leave? Either he has a very toxic work environment or he's deliberately avoiding you and the children. 989 Reply Share
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  • 15
    Font - Suspicious_Light_190 OP 10 hr. ago His boss was actually quite angry with him that he didn't take all of his leave, and very lucky for us carried over 5 days (which was more than generous). Its the second year in a row that he's had a minimum of ten days left at the end of the year. That's two full weeks.
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  • 16
    Font - To be honest, even if he's here, it's still the same if not more housework. It's frustrating that he won't take time off for parents evenings, school events like plays or teacher meetings. 953 Reply Share
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  • 17
    Font - FlagCityDiva 13 hr. ago NTA There is nothing wrong about wanting time alone and being responsible for only yourself. In fact, it could be beneficial for everyone. When people burn out, it affects everyone around them. If your partner is adamant about a whole week, perhaps they'll be amenable to a three day weekend. I hope you get a much needed break. 487 Reply Share
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  • 18
    Font - Suspicious_Light_190 OP 12 hr. ago I think this might be a better compromise - asking for a long weekend, instead of a whole week- especially because (as someone above pointed out) it might not be fair to 2M for me to suddenly go away for such a long time when he's only little. 328 Reply Share
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